The unhandy-man saga

For some reason, the water pressure on the hot-water side of our bathroom sink has been practically nonexistent for a couple of months now. For some reason, my wife said she couldn’t live another day with it like that and I needed to do something about it “or else.” For some reason, I thought she was overreacting a bit, but I kept that to myself.

“I can’t even wash my hands or face in here anymore. You either need to hire someone to come fix it, or learn how to fix it yourself.”

But dear, it’s not like there’s NO hot water coming out of that side. See it dripping out? Isn’t that good enough?

My parents raised me to read music, write an acceptable haiku, and fish for rainbow trout. Not once did they ever think it would be necessary for me to know anything about plumbing. Or electricity. Or shingling a roof. Or flushing out the radiator on a 1977 Chevy Luv Pickup Truck.

“Hmmmm. There’s a lot of white smoke puffing out of your tailpipe. I think you cracked a head gasket. What were you attempting to do to this thing?”

I tried to answer my father-in-law (this was back in the ‘80s, when he was considered an outstanding shade-tree mechanic), but I just mumbled a sonnet full of gobbledy-gook that completely flummoxed the both of us. He stood there shaking his head, no doubt thinking his daughter had married well beneath her.

I’m a firm believer that if something is not quite working right – like a dishwasher or, let’s say, a bathroom hot water faucet – I believe if you wait long enough, the whatever it is will fix itself. No, the pickup truck didn’t, but I once had a broken vacuum cleaner that up and fixed itself one day before it exploded all over the…

So, I watched a lot of YouTube “It’s so easy to replace a bathroom faucet” videos, then went out to the “You Can Fix Anything Yourself ” store and picked up a new faucet and a sundry of other “as seen on TV” items that I’d probably never need – but you never know.

It took a long time for me to actually open up the box and take out my newly-purchased faucet. It took an even longer time for me to turn off the water and commit myself to the project. (It only took about three minutes to figure out I’ll never understand how a basin wrench works.) And finally, after what seemed a lifetime of cutting, wrenching, pulling, pushing, tugging and triple checking to make sure no errant drops of water were leaking from my new pipes and faucet, I was done. And everything worked. “See, honey.

I knew you could do it if you just set your mind to it and got off the couch and noticed the house is practically falling apart around us and if you don’t fix it, who will?”

Yes, knowing I COULD fix something and not have to call a “professional” to come and repair what I had just tried to fix (i.e. the air conditioner unit in ’94), I experienced a completely new feeling of empowerment. The whole experience was so awe-inspiring, I thought, “Shoot, if I can repair one faucet, I can repair them all!”

And if I can repair all the faucets, then surely I can fix the leaky skylight in the kitchen; remodel the bathrooms; build a new deck and put in a swimming pool. The options are endless.

But that’s for the future. Today I’ll be happy just admiring my new faucet.