It always depends on your point of view
HEADLINE: “NASA sends squid from Hawaii into space for research” – (APNews) Dozens of baby Hawaiian bobtail squid were blasted into space earlier this month on a SpaceX resupply mission to the International Space Station. Researchers are studying how spaceflight affects the squid in hopes of bolstering human health during long space missions.
HEADLINE: “Aliens stole our babies for nefarious purposes” – (SQUIDNews) Residents report two gigantic aliens scooped up their offspring from their very beds and disappeared with them into the dead of night. It is believed the squidlets were taken as part of an alien evil plan to marginalize Squid Nation. Because all squid lives are important, residents should establish neighborhood watches as a future safeguard. It probably won’t help, but it couldn’t hurt.
HEADLINE: “Weasels suggest squid kidnapping a misunderstanding” – (WEASELNews) According to a recent pole, a majority of weasels believe the “squidnap” was a misunderstanding, or it never took place at all. Eighty-seven percent of the majority believe the squids were informed in advance of the event but forgot. Ninety-three percent don’t understand what the big deal is. Don’t squids have millions of babies each year?
HEADLINE: “Supply chain of essential foodstuff could be disrupted” – (WHALENews) Sperm whales are expressing concern that the mysterious disappearance of squid offspring may signal a future decline in the whale’s indispensable nutritional faire. Until this issue is settled, authorities are advising all sperm whale to eat only what is necessary. Hoarding of any kind will not be tolerated.
HEADLINE: “Dogs and chimps are nonchalant about missing orbital trip” – (CANINENews) Considering their long and tragic history in the chronicles of space exploration (Laika, a Soviet stray husky-spitz mix, died in space of overheating and asphyxiation; The United States sent into space a line of rhesus monkeys, all named Albert, who all died), dogs and chimps are in overall agreement that they are more than happy to sit this one out. As well as the next ones, too.
HEADLINE: “There’s no elephant in the room, and that’s the problem” – (PACHYDERMNews) An outspoken herd of Indian elephants will be protesting all future rocket launches until they are duly represented in the space program. They agree that size may be a big issue, but if mankind is capable of sending a red convertible Tesla to the far reaches of the cosmos, surely they can send an elephant to infinity and beyond.
HEADLINE: “The mainstream media is missing the big picture” – (FOXNews) With all this talk about squids in space, and a pathetic review of animals’ role in the exploration of our galaxy, the foxes want to know who’s minding the chickens? And why? According to the most recent Only-fox survey, penning up chickens is inhumane (chicken-wise). It is much better to let them run free, to enjoy the liberties that are granted them by the All-Powerful Mother Earth, and to give them the opportunity to fend for themselves, for better or worse, without the hinderance of regulations and overseers. The foxes vow to fight for the rights of chickens until their dying day.
HEADLINE: “Thoughtful Sloths want time to think about it” – (SLOTHNews) Feeling. That. There. Is. Probably. More to. The. Story. Concerning. The. Darling baby. Squid. The overall. Sloth. Feeling. Is to. Not. Make a. Rash. Statement. For the. Time. Being. And. Maybe. A tad. Bit. Longer.
BREAKING NEWS: After a month-long jaunt around the Earth, NASA has announced all baby squid will return to Hawaii in July.
And the squid-folk rejoiced!